Sketchin’!! – THE BEST TRAINER EVER

A while ago someone pointed me to a DeviantArt group called “Ultimate Battle Frontier.” It’s a weird little contest wherein you submit a Pokémon trainer character and then have that trainer compete in challenges against other characters. Basically it’s one big OC development exercise, which I am a massive, massive sucker for. I was encouraged to join, but considering all the other stuff I have to do, my one personal rule was “only if I can knock out the artwork quickly and with as little regard to quality as possible.” I figured this type of thing might be entertaining to TSG’s fans, so I decided to go for it.

The trainer is mostly based on the monumentally stupid decisions I’ve made when playing Pokémon, with some crazy backstory thrown in because hey, gotta give the people something to make up for the cornball art, right? ENTER THE WORLD OF KING REX CAESAR AFTER THE CUT!

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The first thing you had to do was fill out an application template. They required you to pick exactly 6 Pokémon, choose level-appropriate moves for them, and give information on your trainer character. While a backstory wasn’t necessary, including one increased your chances of moving on to the next round. So here’s what I put:

STUPID STORY STUFF!

Think back to all of the dislogic, madness, and general weirdness found in the Pokemon games. Now imagine someone who’s so completely cool with it that it borders on parody. That’s Caesar.

Nobody knows where Caesar came from or what her plan is, but one thing is for certain: she is an idiot. Another thing is for certain: she is crazy.

One day Caesar went to the lab of some old Pokemon professor. After taking one too many (mega) kicks to the head from various monsters over the years, the poor old coot had gotten a bit soft in the thinky-meats. As such, he mistook her for his grandson’s rival, despite being unable to remember either of the kids’ names. He offered her a choice of one of three Pokemon: the energetic Squirtle, the scrappy Charmander, or the Bulbasaur that looked like it was about to fall asleep. Naturally she chose the Bulbasaur, as in her mind it was clearly the strongest of all. It was simply random chance that she ended up with a competant Pokemon.

And thus began the most ridiculous journey of all time. Caesar often demands a battle the moment she locks eyes with a trainer. She can’t wrap her head around an argument between two people NOT degenerating into a Pokemon competition. She often captures unwilling monsters and gives them her own stupid nicknames even when they have names already. Her logic tends to move in the exact opposite direction that it should; for example, she considers wins to be losses and weak Pokemon to be strong. Her odd train of thought sometimes works in her favor, sometimes it doesn’t, but either way she seems happy enough.

Caesar is incredibly loud and friendly, often getting into others’ personal space and interrupting any quiet time they may want to themselves. She seems to have no off switch, and if she can’t talk anyone’s ear off then she’ll bound off for some sort of mental stimulation. At the same time she is superhumanly supportive of her team and her friends, sometimes to the point of pushing them into situations they don’t want to get into.

When travelling to Hoenn, Caesar met a group of Lotads, Lombres, and Ludicolos and after what can only be described as Simultaneously The Greatest And Most Humiliating Dance-Off Of All Time, they accepted her as one of their own. At that point she decided she should ANSWER THE CALL OF THE WILD POKEMON FOR REALS, made a vaguely-Ludicolo-ish poncho from straw, and lived out in the woods ever since. However she’s simply a moron and not a “wild child” by any means, so she lacks the stamina, know-how, or even basic survival instincts to truly live amongst wild Pokemon. Fortunately her team is there to back her up. Unfortunately, her team doesn’t always enjoy her company or respect her in any way.

Caesar isn’t a competant trainer, but she does care about her team and is thoroughly convinced they can do anything. She has a variety of Pokemon under her care (having been to all of the regions and such), so she had a tough time picking 6 for the Battle Frontier.

It goes without saying she picked the six that had the most extreme losses in the past week.

STUPID POKEMON STUFF!

LavaLamper the Magmar: Of the six brought to the Battle Frontier, ‘Lamper has been around the longest; he’s been to every region and is almost never in his Pokeball. He’s been around for so long that his colors have faded to an old, limited color scheme. When asked why this happened to him, top scientists responded with “… how did you get our phone number?” This Magmar once lived in the burned-out Cinnabar Mansion with a collection of other Fire-types, but after a battle cost him his eye, he fell into a restless, depressive state. Caesar showed up around that time, and he grudgingly joined her group. ‘Lamper has been there ever since and eventually regained his self-respect, though he still doesn’t respect Caesar and doesn’t think of himself as “trained.” ‘Lamper is rough around the edges and never misses a chance to make a cutting remark. He mocks virtually everyone around him and sincerely hopes it enrages them to the point of fighting him. Despite this, he’s not the best battler out there; his poor depth perception and worn-out body don’t do him any favors after all. In battle his greatest asset seems to be his ability to hang on by a thread and push forward, even when it’d be a lot healthier to throw in the towel. Insulting as he is, he still has a sense of justice and will protect both his teammates and his idiot trainer in dire situations. When he finds something funny, he’s known to give out a single, high-pitched, obnoxious “HA!” He is also rather ugly even for a Magmar, and as such Caesar tries to enter him into Beauty contests all the time. It turns out about as well as one would expect.

Izza-Nilty the Aerodactyl: Nilty has been on the team for about as long as ‘Lamper. She was revived from some old amber, and Caesar has doted on her and praised her ever since. The Aerodactyl behaves more like a cheerful dog than a fiercesome pterosaur, and she only aims to please. As one of the few Pokemon that actually likes Caesar, she can be quite a powerhouse in battle. She doesn’t really know her own strength and tends to tackle those she likes. She’s outfitted with a collar just in case she gets separated from the group. She’s mistaken for a shiny at times, but really her colors have faded to an odd palette with time just like ‘Lamper. Where could those colors be from? Hmmm, I wonder…

Doba Rew the Smeargle: Caesar once went to Johto. She bought a field guide for the trip, but it was written entirely in poorly-translated English by Japanese authors. As a result she kept rambling about wanting to find a “Doba rew” to train. ‘Lamper asked why she wanted one so badly, but the ensuing rant went on for the better part of an hour and didn’t make 2 minutes’ worth of sense, so he decided to drop it. As best he could tell, she felt the passion of artistic vision would somehow fuel the greatest fighting spirit in the world. Then she found a female Smeargle. The Smeargle was kicked out of her pack before she could even get the standard paw print mark on her back and a name to go with it, so Caesar adopted her. After a few matches it was clear that this Doba Rew was physically weak and nearly impossible to teach. The trainers she had previously ranted to laughed at her failure of a Pokemon, and soon the phrase “doba rew” circulated among them as slang for “hilariously disappointing.” Caesar stuck by her decision, and promised to teach her Doba Rew some moves some day. Now the Smeargle has an attack set, but she is still quite weak. As such she is very nervous and timid, and has a habit of wringing her tail when she’s on edge. She knows Transform, but she doesn’t have a photographic memory so her imitations of other Pokemon are noticably off. Her art skills are rather forgettable, which she finds disheartening. However, Caesar thinks her paintings are the greatest in the world. Rew doesn’t have a Smeargle paw print on her back; instead she has Caesar’s hand print. She is terrified of intense battles but enters into them anyway because her trainer was the only one to accept her.

Copycastor the Sudowoodo: One fine day in Johto, Caesar caught a Sudowoodo and a strange, sparkly blue Ditto. A day-care wanted the two Pokemon very badly, so she gave them away. About a year later, she returned to find the two monsters had bred, and that one of the offspring was a strange, sparkly Sudowoodo. The day-care owners claimed that the Pokemon technically belonged to Caesar, and they insisted she take him with her. At least, that’s the reason they gave her. As it turned out, Copycastor was what was known as a “shiny” Pokemon with odd coloration. Caesar was completely enchanted by the newly-discovered “shiny” phenomenon, and showed off Castor at every moment. Castor himself is very proud of his condition despite it not being accomplishment of any kind, and brags about it constantly. And as it turned out, Copycastor also was what was known as “a compulsive liar with an arrogant streak 20 light-years long.” He lies about anything and everything. He claims to have done many rad things, including but not limited to: getting an Olympic gold medal in breakdancing, inventing the Swiss army harpoon, writing a score for a symphony of electric flugelhorns, and beating Mewtwo in a pie-eating contest. His lies are always completely outlandish and unbelievable, so Caesar believes every single one of them. In battle he is actually a bit of a slacker and a coward; he never trains and almost immediately tries to run away in a fight. Recently he’s been swearing that he saw a grayish fox-creature with red facial markings and bright red hair, but none of his teammates believe him. I mean come on, that’s just ridiculous.

Mr. Larpus the Ludicolo: Caesar’s journey through Hoenn was a strange one; Pokemon came and went, and very few stayed on the team for long. But through it all, Mr. Larpus was there. After catching him as a Lotad, Caesar raised him with utmost care. She noticed that his moveset was geared almost exclusively towards healing. Strangely enough, other Lotads/Lombres/Ludicolos with kept popping up to help her out, and most of them had the same moveset as well. She discovered that her Lotad was the beloved son of a giant extended family, and they were very grateful to her for taking such good care of him. The family took on the name “Larpus” in honor of this, and wished to aid her in any way they could. During Mr. Larpus’ evolution into a Ludicolo, they invited her to participate in a dance-off, and her spastic flailing somehow impressed them enough to accept her as one of their own. Through several different journeys Caesar had a different member of the Larpus clan fight for her, but the original Mr. Larpus has returned for the Battle Frontier. Larpus is very jolly and optomistic and is always ready to celebrate. He always has a song in his heart and will dance at any opportunity. Sometimes he takes this to a laughable extreme, but he doesn’t care; he’s got to be himself. On more than one occasion he has saved the group’s collective life by starting an elaborate song and dance number that draws their enemies in. Nobody knows how it works and nobody dares find out.

“Ranger” the Lucario: A friend of Caesar got her a ticket to Almia as a holiday present, and it was there she found several other presents left by him. One of these gifts was a Riolu. This Riolu was a bit different from the others, in that he already knew Aura Sphere, a move it normally could only learn as a Lucario. Caesar was very grateful for this monster, though the monster wasn’t very happy to see her. After several punches to the face and chairs broken over her already doughy skull, she realized this Riolu wanted to fight. She told him that unlike Almia, other regions have gyms where he could fight all the live long day. He cautiously accepted the offer. The Riolu knew he was unusually powerful and dove head-first into battle many times, only to fall time and again to more disciplined opponents. His rashness held him back, but eventually his new trainer’s devotion to him allowed him to evolve. However, the Lucario is still angry and brooding and always talking about how he has to fight and get stronger, like some sort of cartoonish cliché. Nobody takes him as seriously as he takes himself, though his skills are indeed improving. His fur is a slightly darker blue, but other than that he looks like a normal Lucario. As such he is constantly trying to set himself apart from the crowd, with limited success. Officially the Lucario has no name, but Caesar got tired of saying “The Lucario From That Place With All The Rangers,” so she just calls him “Ranger.” He doesn’t like it. She doesn’t notice.

Unfortunately I couldn’t include the Drowzee that constantly tries to kill her, the Girafarig with split personalities, the fangirlsh Kecleon, or the Yanmega that thinks she’ll be abandoned at any moment. WHAT CAN I SAY ALL MY CHARACTERS HAVE ISSUES. Anyway, people seemed to like the WaCkY tone of the character, so she got accepted into Round 2. But just how far will she get?! WE’LL FIND OUT I GUESS!

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