The universe of Kingdom Hearts contains some amazing places full of cartoony unrealistic characters, places like Wonderland, Halloween Town and the world of Final Fantasy 7. Even with these insane locales, there are some places that neither Disney nor Square Enix will dare to have Sora and crew tread. Which is a shame, because some of these places would be completely awesome. Let’s look at less than 6 of them, just in time for the upcoming marathon!
5. The Mighty Ducks World
Even with three movies and a stupid Saturday morning cartoon, this one doesn’t rate because it’s live action and not recent enough. Also it doesn’t have Johnny Depp. Regardless, there are tons of great reasons to add this in! Just imagine it: the whole crew from the movies helping you (including the “cowboy”, “Mexican” and “girl” stereotypes they added in the second movie), that one crazy flying puck shot as a special move, the fat goalie as a defense summon, a Heartless heartless Iceland team…heck, the guys from the cartoon would even make a decent summon! Except for the armored Zamboni they introduced in one episode. That’s still stupid. Also, if this world happens I can cross “see Emilio Estevez in a Square Enix game” off of my bucket list.
4. Dumbo’s Big Top
Dumbo is a summon because his world was destroyed. Why was it destroyed, you ask? Because the creators didn’t want to deal with the fallout of the Pink Elephants on Parade section of that world. One moment little kids would be exploring the non-threatening circus and the next their minds would be completely blown by a drunken mindscrew. Of course, that would be the same reason why this addition would be great. At this point, knowledgeable readers are probably saying “hey, Winnie the Pooh had a crazy section with Heffalumps and Woozles, yet the Hundred Acre Wood still got in without that!” I’m betting the guys at Square Enix are completionists, and Disney doesn’t want to go through the “don’t add the brain-melting stage to a children’s game” negotiations again.
Again, Yen Sid the magician does show up, yet no actual world for him, which makes it obvious that they avoided his world on purpose. Fantasia would lead to great fights and amazing levels, though. Why not? Well, there’s a little thing called The Pastoral Symphony and a little section where perfect lily-white centaur ladies are fawned over by what can be best described as an…insensitive portrayal of African-American centaurs. Still, including this would still be good if only to show the little ones that Disney has had some interesting character designs in the past. As long as they add in a disclaimer any time that particular centaur is on screen detailing how things were different back then, but not in a good way! Also that they hold no ill opinions of any half-human-half-animal, regardless of where they come from.
2. The Brave Little Toasterburg
This movie was about a group of cute appliances trying to find their owner when he leaves home! It was also about appliances and cars dying and getting mangled in a variety of ways. Again, little kids and all that. This would fit great with the darker side of Kingdom Hearts, of course, but it would also be great for one big reason: the forms our heroes would take. Seeing Blender Sora fight alongside Hot Plate Donald and Rice Cooker Goofy would be worth adding this area alone.
1. Mary Poppinsville
This one seems perfect. It’s famous enough to bypass the whole live-action-recently-released-Johnny-Depp rule, it’s whimsical and fun, and it even has a token animation section! The problem is that Mary is too good at what she does, and there’s a risk that she would force Sora to be a good boy instead of allowing him to save all of reality. Which is a shame, because seeing the chimney sweeps get the Kingdom Hearts treatment, especially Dick Van Dyke’s character, would be the best, and not just because that’s another item on my list.
(Thanks to Anatotitan for the awesome intro comic!)