Gimme Five! Worst New Pokemon

The new Pokemon are out, and like me, I’m sure you’re raring to catch them all. Finding new creatures, training them to become little superheroes, naming them obscene names and trading them to your younger relatives…all great times. Even so, there are those pokemon. You know, THOSE ones. The ones that get caught and then promptly get chucked into a box. The ones you never pull out because you don’t want to look at them. The ones that are weird and creepy even for a game that contains both Jynx AND Mr. Mime. After the jump, here’s a list of five of THOSE kind of pokemon, in no order at all!

1. Oshawott and it’s evolutions

You know what’s bad for a pokemon? When you can’t tell what animal it’s supposed to look like even after someone told you. Apparently it’s supposed to be an otter, which means my first guess (cat dressed as a clown snowman) is way off. But hey, I can give the designers points for trying for something interesting with it’s first form, which can’t be said for the other ones. Seriously, the middle evolution is blue Meowth with webbed MC Hammer pants and the final evolution is fish Dialga. This kind of lazy design might slide by for the typical rodent or bird pokemon, but not when it’s right at the start.

2. Gothimu (first form)

Okay, I see what they were going for here. It’s like a little girl that grows a dress as you go along! At the end it’s like it’s wearing a giant dress with a line of white puffballs down the front! Yes, all well and good. The problem is that because of this the starting evolution resembles a little girl with breasts. That’s not a good look.

3. Musharna

There’s cute, there’s super cute, and then there’s a Silent Hill monster as designed by Lisa Frank. If I saw this pink gas-spewing monstrosity floating towards me, I’d go for a shotgun before I’d go for a poke-ball. Better to fight than be sent to whatever pastel hell it will deliver me to with that horrific perfume port right in it’s skull. (I’m betting that hell smells just like a crafts store.)

4. Kumasyun

On top of being gross, this one just doesn’t make much sense. At least Cubone’s thing about wearing each of their dead mother’s skulls has some drama to it. Are all these bears born with a cold? Do you have to drain the giant drip every once in a while, like some weird kind of snot haircut? There are a lot of unanswered questions here, and every one is disgusting.

5. Reshiram

Hey, this one’s not so bad, you may say. Looks imposing and legendary, like a Legendary should! Well, you’re right, if not for one thing. See it? It’s right there in front of you. Right between it’s haunches there. Yeah. I understand wanting to give a great pokemon made of wings an extra one, but sometimes you have to stop before you accidentally make your pokemon obscene. Unless Reshiram has a Suggestive Wing Attack. If that’s the case, we’ve got a whole different kind of problem here.

43 thoughts on “Gimme Five! Worst New Pokemon”

  1. I wouldn’t call Oshawott and Daikenki lazy, just underwhelming. Very, very underwhelming. According to an interview, they were going for a samurai kind of thing with Daikenki – and they failed miserably, obviously. They said they intended Jaroda to have an Occidental flavor, which I can’t detect at all, Emboar to be based on Chinese folklore (which, from what I understand, they pulled off relatively well)… and then there’s this. I asked the question to my YouTube channel regulars, and the consensus was that it was a close fight between gens 2 and 5 for worst starter selection.

    Now, dissing Futachimaru? That I can’t allow. If it was a viable option I’d stick the Pre-Evolution Stone on this guy and never let it evolve into Daikenki, it’s just that cool.

  2. I’m fairly dissapointed with the choices here. Of the few flawed gen V designs/history, I would have never put these on the list in a million years, even unbiased and objectively speaking. I’ll agree that Reshiram has a little humor behind it and the Oshawott line got a little hair-line fracture to it, but on the whole, I didn’t think any of these were THAT bad.

    What I’m more surprised about is the lack of the garbage bag and ice cream cone.

    1. I think he went for a mix of seriousness and comedy, because Reshiram’s glorious Turboblaze hardly sounds like a serious reason for hating it to me.

      But I do agree about Baibanira’s line, it’s by far the worst one. Dasutodasu not so much, because of the comedic factor, and hey, it’s the spiritual successor of one of the most boring-looking Pokémon ever (that being Muk).

      1. Ah. It makes more sense now that I’m looking at it in terms of comedic entry rather than something serious. XD

        Also, I LOVE MUK. The garbage bag, not so much. No matter how many times I see it, I just CANNOT see it connecting in any way to the art form of the rest of the pokemon. It’s just a little too out there with me.

  3. CLEARLY THAT IS A SEA OTTER but I have to agree with most of these. Though Silent Hill by Lisa Frank only adds to Musharna’s charm for me. I look forward to training one just to terrify you ^_^

    Reshiwingwang is indeed wrong on many levels.

  4. Hah Silent Hill. I would agree with you one some of these but I guess it’s just a weakness of mine that finds something I like about every Pokemon. Even if it’s just one thing…except for Bidoofs…I HATE Bidoofs… Anyway Oshawott I can see where you’re going with it’s name itself is ridiculous. Personally I would have added the Potato/Flounder thing to this list. And a lot of people don’t like Zuruzukin either, but it happens to be my favorite of the new ones. Well overall good job with your first “Gimme Five!.”

    1. See, those are so dumb they swing right back around to awesome for me. I could see that being the favorite of a small child, all going “YAY I KILLED YOU WITH ICE CREAM”.

  5. to be honest I think this is a very stupid post because it is all personal preferance. The otter oshawott evolves into a sea lion which is the point of the evolution which I think they did quite well, I agree with 2 and 3 but 4 is actually well designed, so it doesnt have a story, it has a cold and that is cute and I think it suits the nature of the polar bear cub. And it isnt an extra wing it is tufts of feathers like alot of other bird pokemon have. I hate being a troll and I love what you guys do, and I love your articles but this one is simply stupid

    1. A lot of the blog posts here are “personal preference.” That’s what all those reviews are, you know? This is just a comedy piece.

      And according to the Pokedex, the polar bear cub’s attacks are snot-based. That’s a bad idea no matter how you cut it.

  6. Regardless of personal preference or whatever, I’d really like to have our blog section be of a serious nature. It’s clear that this was just for kicks and giggles and in no way serious. And I’m not a fan of posts like this.

    inb4 y so srs

  7. I think Oshawott looks like a depressed snowman and its evolutions look like ripoffs of Marshtomp and Swampert. Gothimu looks like Smoochum, and Reshiram is just weird. If I ever get a Reshiram, I’m going to name it “Creeper Carl”.

    1. @Sonic62 You probably refer to him as Toast, and if that still doesn’t ring a bell, think about the man last marathon with Ana who was reading out of the Paris Hilton book.

  8. I agree with the bear creature, and the pink puff monstrosity, and the otter with the “obscene” object on its belly. I saw that. Sorry. I found you off on the legendary. Though I came here to say: Did they base that one pink dress Pokèmon after Benjamin Button?

  9. I thought Musharna was brilliant because it looks like a fetus complete with umbilical cord, and I thought “fetus pokemon! Hah! Awesome!” but is it not supposed to be a fetus…? I’m confused now.

    1. Pretty sure it’s supposed to be a combination of a baku and one of those Japanese incense burners. And nightmarish glowing eyes. WHICH IS WHY IT IS SO CUTE ^____^

  10. This review made me happy. I’m surprised a lot of people didn’t like it, not for the picks, but for the joking quality. All the other writers give serious reviews, I’m glad Toast lightened it up a bit.

    Y SO SRYS?!

Leave a Reply