Gimme Five! Best Games For Old-School Offline Griefing

Griefing definitely found a home online. Anyone with a microphone-enabled game and a desire to make people mad currently has the instant ability to tick off anyone who just wants to be a dragon-killing dwarf in peace. Sometimes this is hilarious, and sometimes it just gives people…annoyance. Back in the day, though, you had to get your closest friends together and make them never want to see you again with the games you had for your own console. Sure, this meant you were in punching distance to the griefee, but it was still oh so worth it. After the jump, here are some of the best titles for being a jerk in person!

5. Super Mario Brothers 3

“Dude, we are still on the first world and we have just done like two levels. Stop jumping on my part of the board and starting up that old Mario Brothers game to steal my star cards. I only have two! You can’t even get a full set like that! I mean, if we moved on or something, maybe this would make sense, but we never do. We never do move on. Okay, I am gonna pass by your little M that marks your place. You better not hit that DON’T HIT THAT okay here we are again. Yes, you jumped on my head and stole my star cards. Congradu-freakin-lations. You know what, here, I’M gonna get those back! See how you like it! Okay, I lost. Fine. Please just move on to the next DANG YOU. YOU ARE NOW NOT INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY. FOREVER.”

4. Any game with a joint pause button

This is especially true in fighting games. Your friend has you on the ropes and he’s about to hurricane-kick you right into that crate right in front of the couple standing in front of the fighter jet. As that couple goes through it’s two frames of raising their arms and then lowering them, you jam that pause button over and over, completely messing up his every move. Then you pause it and feel the flames of rage build up right next to you as he contemplates breaking all your fingers to get to your controller. This gives you ample time to revel in your skill as a one-button winner at life.

3. Contra

Hey, this game is pretty tough, let’s put in that code for thirty lives! You want to play, too? Sure, why not, we have way too many chances anyways. Oh, wait, you’re apparently really bad at this game. Chimpanzee whacking the controller with his knuckles bad. Well, that’s cool, we’re just on level 2 and you apparently have no lives and I still have some, have one of mine! It’s cool, I still have a stockpile. Oh wait, it’s the beginning the level 3 and you’ve somehow sapped all my lives. Thanks for playing, man. (Admittedly, this didn’t begin as a method of griefing for the bad player who was totally not me, but hey, if you suck you might as well use it for some accidental pranking.)

2. Battletoads

This game is hard enough as it is, but you’d think it would get easier with a co-op partner, right? Well clearly you have forgotten how this game had friendly fire you could not turn off and how hilarious it was to beat the crap out of your friend at every possible turn. At first, you would do it accidentally and apologize. Then your friend would hit you back and you would get back to it. Then comes the accidental one-hit knockout with your crazy frog ram horns as you try to take out a pig. Then those punches and knockouts stop being accidental. I went for months without seeing the second level of Battletoads because I was too busy decimating my frog buddy. Who quickly became my frog enemy. Incidentally, I thought that’s what “frenemy” meant for a whiles too. It surprised me that so many people had heard of Battletoads!

1. Sonic 2

“Okay, okay, enough Mario 3, let’s play some Sonic. Oh you haven’t heard of this game? Well you can play as this immortal sidekick fox kid that I get to watch die over and over while I basically just play single player. Oh you don’t like being a lame character that can’t actually do anything? That’s funny. I’ll think about that while I eat my birthday cake.”

Have any other maddening games you inflicted on your buddies? Post them in the comments!

7 thoughts on “Gimme Five! Best Games For Old-School Offline Griefing”

  1. Same for me PhantoMaurader. My cousin and a few of my friends like to do that so I always turn it off too. Anyway excellent list. I love the last sentence on the Sonic 2 one.

  2. I remember playing Secret of Mana with my sister the day I got it and it was like playing with a really short leash tying us together. It’s not like you would reach the end of the screen and have to wait for the other person to catch up, no you could only move a few steps ahead of them before some unexplainable force kept you from going anywhere. It was so bad that at some point we actually managed to get ourselves stuck and had to reset the game. We didn’t play Secret of Mana together anymore after that. >_>

    Speaking of which, I have a tendency to explore every inch of adventure games, which made it somewhat frustrating for someone who was playing The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventure with me when all they wanted to do was go on to the next area and I insisted on checking every pot for every last Force Gem I could find.

  3. Sonic 2 being on this list is kind of funny. I always played as Tails while my sister played as Sonic, and with me being the better player of us, I always got to do stuff – rarely did I disappear from the screen. Not much of a griefing instance. Oh, did I mention that I totally got to kick Eggman’s rear every time? (except on the Death Egg Zone…)

  4. Bwhahahaha. Such fond memories. ME and my buddies always fought on our joint FFX file.



    “Really guys? You’re both just terrible. Talk to me when you can do the chocobo racing and then you can talk.”

    “SHUT UP!”

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