OILD – Alton Plaza

Man it’s cold in this room. But what could you expect from Obligatory Ice Level Day, right? There’s an OILD ’11 Facebook page, not to mention the games by our buddies at Fantasy Kingdoms! The cameos continue as today’s write-up is done by a special guest! It’s Alton Plaza, from Snatcher!

Yep, Snatcher! Despite being one of the few people to own a Sega CD when it was new, I still haven’t gotten a chance to experience this masterpiece of crazy. But Zarla has! She even did a screenshot-filled Let’s Play of it. It’s pretty hilarious, so check it out!

Anyway, Zarla says:

“Snatcher is a bizarre adventure game/shooter that came out for about a billion systems in a lot of weird formats. It’s by Hideo Kojima, bizarre madman behind the Metal Gear series, and Snatcher is just as insane in its own special ways! Where else do you hunt down Terminators Snatchers who can get skin cancer, have giant guns in their mouths that no one notices, and hide out in hospital duplicates underneath the earth with their genital manipulators?

At any rate, you play as Gillian Seed, a generally incompetent guy with no memory and a disturbing fetish for underage girls. HURRAY, KOJIMA! Over the course of the game Gillian struggles to unravel the secrets behind the Snatcher menace, which, given that Kojima has no apparent connection to reality whatsoever, is subsequently a pretty tough nut to crack.

One place in the game you’ll be spending a lot of time is Alton Plaza. Like all locations in the game, it consists of one mostly static screen that you will swiftly become very familiar with, as you will be spending a lot of time here waiting for your informant Napoleon to show up! Napoleon apparently has a lot of things to do so prepare to get stood up by him frequently. There are other things that can keep you amused here though, like women you can harass, a box of tissues that has a number for a sex line you can call, and since the game is set near Christmas (a romantic holiday in Japan), constant romantic innuendo with your partner Metal! Metal is a tiny robot by the way. A surprisingly jealous tiny robot.

Also, one of the neon signs in the plaza is on the fritz, so the letters keep blinking out! Instead of GREAT MEALS, it says EAT ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DOESN’T THIS MAKE YOU LAUGH? IT BETTER BECAUSE THIS IS A VITAL CLUE FOR A LATER PUZZLE SO YOU BETTER BE PAYING ATTENTION.
They also regularly display the phone number for an illegal black market on an eighty foot billboard. KOJIMA KNOWS REALISM!

There are sadly no penguins or yeti or snowmen here. Only a chiptune like version of Jingle Bells on loop that will slowly drive you insane. SPEND TIME IN ALTON PLAZA TODAY! THAT’S NOT A REQUEST! NAPOLEON WILL SEE YOU WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT!”

Clearly waiting in Alton Plaza drove Zarla a little mad. While she recuperates, let’s have some fun ice level goodies! THANKS ZAR! I HOPE YOUR BRAIN RECOVERS SOON!

Yep, it’s a wallpaper! A wallpaper that breaks the fourth wall, because it’s just not a Kojima project otherwise! Get the full weird mess here!

Also, music! Merry ‘Xmas in Neo Kobe City plays in Alton Plaza, and it will surely drive you insane. For something a lot catchier and a lot less crazy-making, here’s Take the Snow Train, from NiGHTS: Into Dreams! And hey, why not Blizzard’s Theme, from Primal Rage?

And now, remixes! The Polar Express is an awesome and fun remix of Take the Snow Train, and it was made by DCT for the OILD ’10 soundtrack! And Go Blow Snow For A Year is a remix of ‘Story’ from Snow Bros., and it’s by housethegrate!

Remember to keep spreading the word! Toast and I are going to be at the marathon, and you know how we need constant attention. NERDS! TO ME! BRING ME MY GLORIOUS ATTENTION!

One thought on “OILD – Alton Plaza”

  1. Merry Xmas in Neo Kobe City is a Remix of Jingle Bells, which adds to the hundreds of ways that Snatcher breaks the fourth wall (Make sure to turn your volume up!)

    Anyways, nice writeup Zarla, Snatcher remains my favourite Visual Novel/Hideo Kojima game and I hope the rumoured port to IOS happens sometime soon so I can get some delicious Neo Kobe Pizza.

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