OILD: The Cliff

The second day of OILD! This is a goofy, fake holiday meant to build hype for The Speed Gamers’ Zelda marathon, which starts December 12th! We’re raising money for Mercy Corps, so I hope you all help us out by promoting and donating! And now, for a level from a game nobody but me cares about anymore. It’s the Cliff, from Primal Rage!

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Primal Rage, your go-to game for just about everything ’90s. You had dinosaurs, gore, gross-out humor, and even a terrible spin-off pop music album. Primal Rage was definitely one anti-drug skateboard champion away from being The Most ’90s Thing Ever. The premise was pretty simple. A meteor crashed into Earth, and as you might have guessed, that meteor contained an evil banished snake-beast goddess. The impact not only released her, but tore the world apart and re-awakened all of the planet’s ancient gods. Ancient gods that were also various weird-looking pseudo-prehistoric beasts. Also it destroyed technology and re-arranged the continents to resemble a dinosaur skull. Oh, and humans reverted to primitive, caveman-like tribes. Yeah, see? Nothing crazy about that. This was a fighting game, and your aim was to destroy all the other gods and claim their territory.

The Cliff was one of these territories. Being a fighting game, there’s not much you can say about it. There’s a primate-like mountain in the background, though! So instead of the level itself, I suppose I could focus on its character. The ruler of the Cliff is Blizzard, a massive ape with ice powers. Blizzard was considered one of the good gods, but really every character in this game squashes and eats humans without a second thought. Still, he seemed slightly less murderous than many of the others, so good for him I guess! His moves included freezing breath, ice waves, and a variety of punches. Also he could punch your brain out. That’s pretty good! If you win the game as Blizzard, then his ending mentions him allegedly ruling over humanity with wisdom and kindness. You know, as giant, scary, brain-punching-out apes are known for!

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Yes, please savagely brutalize dinosaurs, oh gentle frost-beast…

And today’s music! The Cliff is the stage’s theme. For more fighting game fun, here’s Controlling Transmission, which is Glacius’ theme from Killer Instinct! And here’s Snow Land, from Street Fighter III: Third Strike! And of course, Bad Mr. Frosty’s theme from the original ClayFighter. Because when I think “classic fighting game,” I think “ClayFighter”.

And remixes! I figured that since the Fangamer guys just finished up their utterly amazing Earthbound Bash, we need some good ol’ Earthbound mixes to celebrate! Brainshock is a remix of Tessie!, and it’s by aluminum. Snowbound is a remix of Snowman and Winters’ Wake-Up Call, by bLiNd! The Great Blizzard of ‘9X is another Snowman remix, and it’s by halc! Plus, there’s a whole Earthbound remix album right here! The snowy remixes are Winters & Morse (Winters), Snowbound (Snowman), and Tessie & the Bubblegum Monkey (Tessie)!

You all should show Fangamer some love! They raised money for not only one, but TWO great causes! And hey, they have a lot of Zelda stuff you could buy and donate as prizes! Jus’ sayin’.

(ps go team toast)

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